Diabetes Talking

Question:

Hi Chris! I recently became involved in a relationship to a very nice guy, but he was not very considerate to my meal schedule.  At least thats what I think, let me know what you think?  

Here’s what I think.  New relationships can be difficult, especially when you have diabetes.  I think it is because as diabetics, we fear being stereotyped as having limited abilities.  So rather than risk inconveniencing others, or being perceived as limited in our abilities, we often make personal sacrifices, like rescheduling our meals to coincide with others. What I have found, in doing such rescheduling time and time again, is that both sides come up losers.  I lose out, in that I often, as a result of rescheduling a meal, incur reactions.  And those, whom I have assured it is not a problem, loose out on the opportunity to experience how eating can be an important factor in my maintaining normalacy.   I would also like to add, that not everyone will be interested in learning about diabetes, or wanting to alter their schedules to coincide with yours. When honesty and openness fail, trust your instincts.  

Response:

I wonder if the problem here was not lack of flexibility, but of communication.  With new people, it can be difficult to say what we need to say. I recently became involved in a relationship to a very nice guy, but he was not very considerate to my meal schedule.  At least thats what I think, let me know what you think?  Heres the story: I was visiting him for a week down in Viriginia.  I had brought plenty of food for my breakfast and lunch.  When I saw him on the first day I told him the  times (Brkfst 6 am, Lunch 12:30, and dinner 6 pm) that I eat my meals and that they  can fluctuate if need be.  He said okay.  

I think that’s the root of the trouble.  To me and this guy ‘if need be’ doesn’t mean, as it does to you, ‘if there is a serious need – if you burn the dinner and we eat half an hour late, for example’, but rather ‘if theres any need (desire) to eat late – if we go to a 6.00 movie and then eat, for example’.   … One day we had a late lunch we finished  around 1:30 pm, so he wasnt hungry when 6:00 came around.  I told it wasnt a problem , I would make my own dinner because I had food with me.  He asked if it was okay  with it. I said yes.

I wonder if you really meant ‘I don’t have any problem with cooking my own dinner – but I want to eat with you.  I need to eat at fixed times – and I’m hurt that you didn’t pick up on that.  So no, everything’s not ok’. I know this story is very sketchy, but I didnt know how to addresss the  situation.

I’d either write or call and explain that there was a misunderstanding, and explain what ‘need’ meant to you.  If the late meals were making you go a bit low before them, it could have been making you a bit grumpy – so I’d explain that too. — Patricia Reynolds

Response:

I recently became involved in a relationship to a very nice guy, but he was not very considerate to my meal schedule.  At least thats what I think, let me know what you think?  Heres the story: I was visiting him for a week down in Viriginia.  I had brought plenty of food for my breakfast and lunch.  When I saw him on the first day I told him the times (Brkfst 6 am, Lunch 12:30, and dinner 6 pm) that I eat my meals and that they can fluctuate if need be.  He said okay.  Well, later that afternoon he asked me if I wanted to eat at his house or go out.  I said we could eat at his house and so I asked him when dinner is ready.  He said 6:00; I said fine.  The following days my dinner time became later and later (6:30 pm, 7:00 pm).  One day we had a late lunch we finished around 1:30 pm, so he wasnt hungry when 6:00 came around.  I told it wasnt a problem , I would make my own dinner because I had food with me.  He asked if it was okay with it. I said yes. I know this story is very sketchy, but I didnt know how to addresss the situation. Do you think I should have been more flexible?  I dont like change and that might be part of my problem, but why should I change.  Any advice anyone can give on the situation is appreciated. And if you need to know more just let me know. Thanks, Chris

Response: