Diabetes Talking

Question:

Judy, I wish I’d said that! Gwen The straight and narrow path would not be so narrow if more folks walked it.

Response:

Dear Ozgirl- I have been coming to this ng for a few months now and it has been a great means of support for me. My husband has advanced AD, is in an assisted living facility, and after my visit to him today, I sadly realize that he is not far off from needing a nh. There are not many friends or even family members who really want to know nor can they truly understand what it means to see a strong, vital, lively LO, slowly slip away. But, my friends at this ng undersand fully well. So, I come back to my ng to share, to give and receive support, praying that the dissention is finished and over with, and it still rages on. I have had more than my share of stress in my life for the past 4-5 years. I promised myself that I would stay out of the controversy. I have enough life experience and wisdom to know that these things eventually settle down to exactly where they are supposed to be all by themselves. BUT, one thing that I cannot tolerate is LYING! Don’t come here and write your "sweet" little posts about "poor hurt Jude". And telling us how Jude feels. and telling us what Jude was trying to do. And what Jude wasn’t trying to do. And on and on, ad naseum. Darling, I can read, and I also comprehend what I read. Amazing, isn’t it? Firstly, I don’t need an interpreter to tell me what this Jude person meant, because I read what he originally posted. I am not going to give him the dignity of repeating what he posted. Go and read it for yourself. He fell in on us like a ton of bricks, ready for a take-over, ready for he and his cohorts to improve and shape up our ng. Thank you very much, but we were doing very nicely before his grand entrance. We do not need a savior here. Secondly, I don’t think Jude needs you to explain things for him. He sounds like he has enough verbosity to speak for himself. And, as for Jude being "a breath of fresh air" — dearie, he is more like a tornado! And am I judging him? You betcha I am! Didn’t he judge us????? Thirdly, I believe I have gotten enough of this junque off my chest and I am glad I did speak out. Never mind this nonsense about " their unique ways disappear because they are conforming to the group". Did you ever hear of being well-mannered? respecting the rights of others? a bit of class? tact? courtesy? Any of these words ring a bell? And now, dear girl, stop posting this utter nonsense and lies and let Jude be a big boy and speak for himself. There are hurting people coming here that are being overlooked because of this dissention that you have caused here. Go home, go back to diabetes, or liver disease, or heart transplants, or anything, and leave us alone. My husband is slipping away from me and I have no time for little boys and girls doing one-up-manship. And since you had so much advise for my friend zuzu, I have some advice for you, and your wondrous Jude:  GROW UP! JUDY (Jayess) Visit my website at: http://www.geocities.com/xxjayessxx "When life hands out lemons — make lemonade." Before you buy.

Response:

well Jeanette, I never went to the chat room as I don’t have the address, but I can’t see personally why a chat room couldn’t be started.  Sometimes email is not quick enough especially when you need support NOW!  You can fool around and laugh and carry on in chat too, it makes you feel different to emailing and messaging through newsgroups, the groups have their part definitely and a chat room shouldn’t take away from that otherwise people miss out on important stuff but I like chat rooms for a diversion.  And a good stressbuster Zu (not supposed to add stress to you like your experience did ) Jan

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – All this is terrible isn`t it ,theres so much stress out there without it. I reallt don`t know much about it ,but couldn`t we start up another chat room at the same place? Probably a dumb question, but anyway Zu don`t let it get you down. Jeanette

Response:

you now feel hurt…Jude feels the same way as you do

you don’t know how I feel. you may speak for him, but not for me. New people never comfortably fit in right at the very beginning because the

longer term members of a group subtly send out signals that are not so welcoming. well that will be big news to a lot of people here.  gradually the new person figures out how the group operates and in a lot of cases becomes like the others in the group.  Their unique ways disappear because they are conforming to the group to fit in. yes. I have heard of that happening. one of the more frightening things in the modern world. often occurs when one person gets too important, like under a dictatorship. baaa! 3 cheers for the black sheep of the world. I noticed a small minority appeared to speak for everybody.

I speak only for myself. wish more people did.  Unless I read your post wrong, I believe you took the discussion into the

chat room – correct me if I’m wrong – I don’t believe that should happen you not only think you know what I think and how I feel, you’re going to decide what I talk about and where.  If you don’t let go of this issue you are going to ruin this newsgroup

thank you,  maybe a psychic is just what we needed here. "celebrating multi-cultural diversity and freedom of thought behind the redwood curtain" ~ zu

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – you now feel hurt…Jude feels the same way as you do you don’t know how I feel. you may speak for him, but not for me. New people never comfortably fit in right at the very beginning because the longer term members of a group subtly send out signals that are not so welcoming. well that will be big news to a lot of people here. gradually the new person figures out how the group operates and in a lot of cases becomes like the others in the group.  Their unique ways disappear because they are conforming to the group to fit in. yes. I have heard of that happening. one of the more frightening things in the modern world. often occurs when one person gets too important, like under a dictatorship. baaa! 3 cheers for the black sheep of the world. I noticed a small minority appeared to speak for everybody. I speak only for myself. wish more people did.  Unless I read your post wrong, I believe you took the discussion into the chat room – correct me if I’m wrong – I don’t believe that should happen you not only think you know what I think and how I feel, you’re going to decide what I talk about and where.  If you don’t let go of this issue you are going to ruin this newsgroup thank you,  maybe a psychic is just what we needed here. "celebrating multi-cultural diversity and freedom of thought behind the redwood curtain" ~ zu

I sure would love to lurk in a chat room reading some helpful hints about Dementia .. I am sure it would help me. Jo

Response:

All this is terrible isn`t it ,theres so much stress out there without it. I reallt don`t know much about it ,but couldn`t we start up another chat room at the same place? Probably a dumb question, but anyway Zu don`t let it get you down. Jeanette

Response:

to find out that people think I’m trying to run the show just cos I offered to do a couple of the things that I thought I actually could do to help other caregivers blows me away.

Zuzu, see how easy it is to inadvertantly step on toes?  You meant no harm at the chat room, you now feel hurt and want to withdraw.  Jude feels the same way.  He wasn’t trying to take over here, just like you weren’t in the chat room.  He feels the same way as you do, we all have knee-jerk reactions when we are hurt.  Whether anyone likes to believe it or not, all groups of any type, all over the world are cliques.  New people never comfortably fit in right at the very beginning because the longer term members of a group subtly send out signals that are not so welcoming.  People probably don’t even realise they are sending out these messages.    A new person is like a breath of fresh air but because it is different to the air being breathed by a group it upsets things a little.  Gradually the new person figures out how the group operates and in a lot of cases becomes like the others in the group.  Their unique ways disappear because they are conforming to the group to fit in.  Big shame. Because Jude was new and probably a bit more forthright than the group was used to, a few people here had a knee-jerk reaction and it snow balled.  Instead of going straight to the jugular perhaps it would have been better to quietly point out facts to Jude.  He really meant no harm.  Jude’s original words can be seen as provocative if you want to read that into it, but some of the knee-jerk reactions here were quite hostile, it only fed the flames.  See how easy it is to get into arguments.  Also it appeared like the group here owned it.    I noticed a small minority appeared to speak for everybody.  We don’t want this here, we can look after ourselves etc.  A newsgroup is a public forum for the benefit of everyone.  It’s not your house, where you play host and invite everyone in – always try to remember that we are all guests.  There is one newsgroup that I know of where the participants are rude to every single new person that comes along, they fight amongst each other and they are an alt.support group!  Needless to say they have very few posts per day.  The clique do not want others around.  Okay, it appears Jude had a bad start here but I believe a few handled it in a completely out of control manner – I chose to ignore the reactions because I know what living under stress does to people.   Unless I read your post wrong, I believe you took the discussion into the chat room – correct me if I’m wrong – I don’t believe that should happen, it’s a private thing between this group and the diabetes.  If you don’t let go of this issue you are going to ruin this newsgroup, already a lot of the discussion is just about this problem, which is not only unfair to the people here wanting AD support but it will be off-putting to any newbies who wander in.  How about letting it all drop from here on in?

Response:

as some of you know, a while back I posted a link to the candid caregiver support chat room. some of you have made it over there, and I thought it was all going really well. in fact, last night several people from the ng and I were over there venting. wonder what about?……lol…since the subject of "group takeovers" came up, it was later brought to my attention that at least one of the regulars there feels  that "my group" is ‘joining’ "their room". oh brother. what a mess. I knew many of us here had no supportive place to meet and go talk real time. I thought it would be a great way for some of us who had "met" here, to "chat" there. It never occurred to me in my wildest dreams that I would end up looking to them like "Moses" does to us now. mind you, this is NOT the opinion of all the regular people there, but the fact that even one person feels that way is a real bummer. I wasn’t trying to lead my adoring followers anywhere, just provide a link to a safe and caring place to meet. the same thing applies to the offer I made to create a web page for us all to check each other out. not trying to "take over" Jonathon’s idea in the least, but that page just plain doesn’t work for everyone. I was hoping for just a plain ol’ page with a blurb of info and a pic of all of us to help keep track. one that everyone could get to without registering, logging in, signing up, getting porno by mistake, or having (as I found) too many choices, shall I say? pages like that confuse me big time, and I’m not new to the net. I don’t care who does it, or who gets credit for it, as long as we can all just get to it without a headache. I volunteered cos I can write pages, and have a domain with loads of space sitting there. it seemed like appropriate use. if it’s gonna have to be all about personalities, power, and group against group, count me out. I having been coming here to get support when I need it, and give it when I can, not to be important. no self esteem problem here, I am important, whether I come here or not. we all are. equally. I am so very sorry that anyone here, at the candid chat room, or anywhere else on the planet feels differently. as to the chat room, I am not suggesting anyone not go there and chat. most of the people there are just as kind and compassionate as most of the people there.  I just thought ya’ll should be aware that some there see it as "my group" trying to merge with "their group" so so sorry. I thought it was about caregivers merging with caregivers. I would volunteer to go repair the chat room on my site, give ya’ll the link, bail out and let you have a free for all there, cos I have the know how as well as the space, but now hesitate to even offer that. to find out that people think I’m trying to run the show just cos I offered to do a couple of the things that I thought I actually could do to help other caregivers blows me away. can’t post a copy of this to the chat room, obviously, but am forwarding a copy to "their" leader, then staying away  for a while and going into lurk mode. bah. ya’ll can choose up sides, elect leaders and fight if ya want. posting and forwarding this, logging off, and shutting down for a while until I figure out what the hell this is all about. This is a job for The Bobs. I will be back when I feel better ~zu "spontaneous human combustion – *poof* there goes another one"

Response: