Diabetes Talking

Question:

Spoilered, just in case Marie, I just wanted to let you know I can really relate.  My excess weight was an excellent barrier.  What my husband and I did was talk about my needing space and needing him to ask me if it is OK to touch me.   Sometimes I can go for months without having any problems with him touching me, but then all of a sudden – bam – I DO NOT WANT TO BE TOUCHED (I yell this point to you so you know how stron it is)!  All I have to do is tell him and he will fall back and start asking me (if he hasn’t been). Sexual contact is really difficult for me. I go through spurts where it is fine.  We have gone for almost a year with having sex less than once a month and we have gone for six months without any sex. One really good thing we did was go for counseling (to a therapist who I was not seeing – very important) during one of the times when I was really having a problem with him touching me in any way.  It helped a lot because I found out that sex wasn’t as important to him as I thought it was and that it was more important to him for me to feel OK about it.  I was also able to seperate him from being any type of a perp and realize that if he touched me I could ask him not to and he wouldn’t get angry.  I guess my SO could have told me a million times, but hearing it there with a therapist seemed to make it more OK (if that makes sense). Your SO sounds very understanding, and maybe the two of you could try this. I also wanted to tell you that I have an entire room that my SO isn’t allowed into unless I specifically invite him in.  He doesn’t go there, but it took some time for him to get used to that.  This is where my kids go to play and color and stuff.  This room is very important to me because when I was little the mother would give away my books and toys.  Now I have lots of stuffies, books and other stuff and I know no one will give them away.   Also, I was allowed NO private space, including the bathroom, so this room is very important to me.  I find I need to spend less and less time alone, but it sure is nice having my own place. Hope all this helps. Rose & Company                     . . . and some day good WILL prevail over evil.

Response:

I am putting a spoiler on this post because I will be talking about fear of safety. Maybe swearing, and definitely personal exposer. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10  Here goes: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 0 That should be enough?   I recently wrote a small post about space. I wrote that my SO was encroaching on my personal space, I have since discovered or maybe realized that what I am really referring to "is my feelings of safety". I realized today, while talking about my post and feelings with SO, that what really bothers me is that I do not feel safe. I was recently diagnosed as having diabetes. That means that I must lose all excess fat. I have over 100 pounds to lose. I put this weight on to protect me when I was being abused, years ago. I have had this protection for over 10 years. ow, I am too lose every pound or die. I don’t feel safe. I am afraid that if I start to lose ( and I am, I have already lost the first 10 pounds), I will not be able to feel safe. I have been pushing SO away every six months or so because I feel that he is getting too close and will grab or abuse me. He is encroaching on my space by living in the same house. Ifeel that when I see his stuff sitting around the space is shrinking, and he is getting closer. He is going to grab soon. I panic and push as hard as I can to give me some breathing room. I realize that I have done the same thing with weight. I have made a circle of pounds to continue tokeep every one at bay. NowI am being forced to release the boundaries. Now, what I haveto learn is to feel safe as Iam getting smaller. I have to learn that I can be safe at 120 pounds. I must work through the feelings of fear, and feeling threatened. There is no way that my abuser can ever hurt me again. I really do not have anything to be afraid of except what is in my own mind. I find that as I realize the truth behind my actions, and talk about them, then I can grow and cry and release my fears. I do get very tired after. My SO is pretty wonderful to put up with me for these so many years, we are extremely good friends. Lucky me. He suggested that I come on here and poor out my heart, I feel that when I pour out the feelings, I am cleansed. I am anxious tho, I feel that it may not be safe. That is a risk I am choosing to take. I think that he is right, the more that I reveal what is inside then the more I can heal and grow and become healthy. There are some incredibly gorgous sexy clothes in the stores these days. I would like to have some. Take care all who read this and can identify with me. Marie.

Response: