OT: For Nichole in MT and others in love …

Diabetes Talking » Diabetes Type » OT: For Nichole in MT and others in love …

Categories: Diabetes Type

Question:

I seriously don’t believe in the ONE. I think there are many people in the world with whom a person could be happy and maintain a lifetime commitment. Head over heels in love feelings are sooooo American. Nichole–in Montana

Response:

Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"?

He’s the rest of me. There was no question at all. If there is a question or hint of a doubt, he’s not the one. (Been there done that, and really screwed up several lives because of it.) Listen to your heart. It knows what it’s doing. CAD 2/94 LC 7/01 188/167/126

Response:

Bridget, as always, your response is thoughtful and insightful. Thank you again. I don’t have doubts, to be honest. hehe. I just … well, I am just curious, I guess. Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Response:

I’m 23. Recently I started dating someone I’ve known for 7 years, and who has liked me for 7 years (he said even before the weight loss he always thought I looked good). And I just like him a lot. And it’s not like the usual way I like someone. I just feel good to be around him. I just feel good to talk to him. It’s strange. And we’re a lot alike. Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the

one"? I’m far from beig Dr. Laura .. but IMHO if you have to ask this question, he’ definitely *not* the one! — Peter LC Home Page: http://www.angelfire.com/nc3/marengo Please Sign My Guest book!

Response:

Thanks again guys for the help. This relationship is so new for me in so many ways. I was dating someone for a year who really didn’t make me happy. And now, it’s like "Where were you all this time?" ha! So, it’s really great to get to spend more time with him, when it’s just us. For the first time I can say I don’t just lust after him. I mean, I just like being around him. I really really appreciate all this advice. Seriously. I don’t want to rush into anything with him, I mean, my emotions aren’t all out of control or anything. I just have this warm feeling when I think of him, like I just want to be sharing the moment with him. It’s great. I’m going to get that book tonight!!! I’m going to reward myself for breaking through my LONG stall and getting down to 142.5!! This has been a great week. Thanks again for all your help. Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Response:

Because he was my best friend even before we became intimate and has remained so since. We went through the worst period of our lives together and supported each other through it. Our arguments are minor and limited and don’t degenerate into being nasty. He is kind to me as I am to him. He cares about *me* – not just me being with him, but me myself – what is best for me. We talk about EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. You would not believe the strange conversations we’ve had… If I’m going to spend my entire life with someone, LIKING him is a heck of a lot more important than loving him or having hot sex or being all wildly romantic.

Response:

Don’t know if you are familiar with author Barbara DeAngelis — some people don’t seem to care for her — but I got great value out of her book, "Are You the One for Me?" Though it’s a quick read, it gives you lots to think about. I wish you the best in your "new take on an old friend" relationship! (And I think that’s always a nice foundation — friendship. Shows you actually *like* each other — and not all couples can say that!) Mary M

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I lurk a lot here and I feel like you guys are my friends and I need some advice. My parents are divorced, and never really lived together. Everyone else in my family has somewhat "dysfunctional" relationships. I love them to death, but I look at it and think "I don’t want that for myself." I’m 23. Recently I started dating someone I’ve known for 7 years, and who has liked me for 7 years (he said even before the weight loss he always thought I looked good). And I just like him a lot. And it’s not like the usual way I like someone. I just feel good to be around him. I just feel good to talk to him. It’s strange. And we’re a lot alike. Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"? Thanks for any input on this guys. ps I made the Cheesy Shrimp Bisque last night and it was PHENOMENAL! Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Response:

a saying i once heard find the one you cant live without, not just the one you can live with JoKnows

Response:

I’m 23. Recently I started dating someone I’ve known for 7 years, and who

hasliked me for 7 years (he said even before the weight loss he always thought Ilooked good). And I just like him a lot. And it’s not like the usual way Ilike someone. I just feel good to be around him. I just feel good to talk tohim. It’s strange. And we’re a lot alike. Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"?

You just described my husband. . . Thanks for any input on this guys. ps I made the Cheesy Shrimp Bisque last night and it was PHENOMENAL!

I’ll keep that in mind. . . Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01

Kali Blonde

Response:

Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"?

DH and I had known one another for about 7 years – we played Dungeons and Dragons together (he the DM, me a player brought in to replace someone who had to drop the campaign) and soon considered ourselves friends – before we started to think about marriage. We spent 12 months deliberately courting one another with the idea that IF we still liked what we saw at the end of that year we’d talk marriage again. We were living in different states at the time, and we’d talk on the phone or occasionally visit one another. When we visited we did NOT sleep together, as we didn’t want sex to complicate the picture. We were looking to see if we could spend time together, enjoy one another’s company. Deal with the problems of each of our families, and problems there were in plenty! From his brother, a once fit man starting in on the complications of type 1 diabetes (which eventually killed him aged 46) to my brother, a drug addict and (later diagnosed with) bipolar. My father as a serial adulterer had soured me on men, especially coupled with my former fiance’s behaviour (he had started cheating on me within 2 months of our engagement). His brother had gone through a painful divorce, my sister was going through one (her husband had walked on her, leaving her with a 2 yo, 1yo and 5 months pregnant, because he ‘couldn’t stand having 3 kids under 3′ Time got back at him, though. His second wife recently gave birth to triplets. Not IVF or fertility drugs, just ‘one of those things’. ) He was heavily involved with wargames (using miniature painted figures) and role-playing games and spendt most weekends involved in games and much of the rest of the time painting and preparing for the next one, I was heavily involved in the SCA and spent much of my free time creating costumes, making tasty tit-bits for the next feast and so on. At the end of that year we knew that we really cared for one another, although we didn’t feel that ‘flash of burning Lerve’ that others considered important. We decided that we wanted to share our lives because we were good for one another. We spent the next year engaged, pretty much as a test-period (although we still didn’t live in the same state) to make sure of our feelings. At any point during this 2 years, we both felt free to call things off if we didn’t think marriage would be right. Next month, we celebrate our 9th anniversary. Over the years, our love has grown stronger and deeper despite obstacles. It will be 20 years before he can retire, but we’re already making Plans about what we’re going to do together when that happens. Aramanth

Response:

Meghan, that was supposed to be "here OR personally" lo siento

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Take care and feel free to write me anytime, here on personally.

Response:

Thank you so much everyone. I don’t want to rush anything, BELIEVE ME. ha! But I just … I feel like I wonder how you know. He is the first guy I’ve dated who I don’t even notice what he looks like. Like my mom asked me if he was taller than me (I’m 5′9") and I couldn’t remember. I mean, I know he’s not shorter than me, but I think we’re the same height. I just notice that when we walk together, we have lots of things to talk about. I just like being around him. And it’s a really wholesome feeling. I’m so happy I can share this with you guys. Thank you so much. BTW, Nichole I’m so happy for you!!!!! Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Response:

Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"?

Date for a year. Don NOT consider marriage until that year is over. Then think long and hard about it. Get used to thinking of each other and being with each other. Don’t ask if they are the "one" until that year is over, unless their actions tell you they ain’t. Patience is worth it- a solid foundation is important. Honestly ask yourself some questions: If being with this person meant never ever having sex again, would you still want to be with this person? Is this person the first person you want to tell all your joys and sorrows? Will they be supportive of you without question, and have faith in you and your abilities? Are they willing to argue with you if they think you are wrong? Can you tell them anything? And I mean anything- from the worst trauma you ever endured to how many times you picked your nose in the last hour. Good communication is a MUST. Love isn’t the emotional high that you get by looking at each other through candlelight- it’s cleaning poopy diapers and mowing the lawn. It’s waking up in the morning with the same guy and washing his underwear. It’s knowing each others faults and loving them not in spite of their faults, but because of them. Wanting to share jokes or that good bit of what happened today- just because it’s them. Oh and, if you think they don’t have any faults? Get your head examined. -georg married to the same poor schmuck for five years

Response:

Hi Meghan, I met my husband through my best friend, he was my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend hahah. We dated for 5 years, then got married last year. I married my best friend, and I believe those marriages last a life time, because our marriage is not based on romance. :-) Jenn

Response:

I agree with Jenn. I married my best friend and it wasn’t based on "lust" Kris

Response:

Dear Meghan, Different cultures do love differently. Some cultures do not marry for those "in love" feelings of which Americans are quite fond. Don’t get me wrong, those feelings are very nice. However, okay, let me just tell you about my experience instead of trying to offer advice that may not fit your needs. I work with a lot of foreigners. I own my own business and I network with other people in India, Iran, Malaysia and other Mideastern and Asian countries. Many of the people I work with are extremely bright and they know they can make a lot of money in the US, whereas in their own countries, their brilliance is not recognized with pay. For an example, one dollar is worth forty-eight rupees, the currency of India. A rupee is like an American dollar, but basically worthless. Things are cheap and people are very educated but there is rarely a job that will pay them well. Why did I tell you this story? Well, many of them are looking for a way out, therefore, I get tons of proposals for marriage. So, I never take anyone seriously. For a while there, when I met a new contact, I would say, Okay, I’m not in the market for marriage. This would get rid of a lot of people who contacted me on the guise of doing business with hopes of getting to the US. Hey, this is a melting pot and I’m all for immigration, but I don’t want to marry for it. I do a lot of H1 work, and B1, and help with K1, too, but I’m not going to marry someone for that reason. And, I have been offered serious money to do so. Okay…. One day, I was on the net, attending to some work when someone came on and said Allah’u'Abha to me, which means The Glory of God and it is how many Baha’is greet each other. Immediately, I knew that this person and I shared the same faith. I said Allah’u'Abha back to him. Turned out he was a web designer/programmer and we started working together. I jokingly said to him, now, don’t fall in love with me, don’t ask me to marry you. He is Persian and was raised in India. But he’s here in this country (USA) already on an H1 visa, which means he will eventually get a green card without having to marry anyone to get it. So we did a lot of work together with web design and importing deals. He speaks Farsi, Hindi, and English, so he was a real asset to my business and we developed a nice friendship. I totally trusted him and I started to kind of like him, but I certainly was not going to tell him that. This began in April. I went east, to visit my family in Pennsylvania in July. Shahram and I talked of meeting then. I was nervous, though we were business associates. Well, my plans got screwed around and I actually had to spend the first week of my three week stay in my old house (where I used to live with my ex husband). Quite bizarre, though he and my little girl were at his parents’ farm for the week. Anyway… For that week, I spent most of the time on the phone with Shahram and by the end of that week I really felt like I was in love with him. It was so nice, because I really got to know him first. I can to know that he is a very kind person, so kind, so very calm and a temper that is basically non-existent. Very loving and sweet. Oh gosh. By this time, he had told me he loved me and we had not yet met in person. Of course we exchanged professional photos in the course of our association. Well, when I finally made it down to Philadelphia, Shahram came on the train from New Jersey. We spent the afternoon together and were so in tune, that he missed his train back to his home on purpose and we ended up staying awake all night, talking and thinking out loud with each other. Next day, we had brunch, and I took him back to the train station. I dropped him off there. I didn’t want to take him inside and to his train… I thought he’d miss it again if I were along. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. A month went by, I returned to Montana, and we talked every day on the phone. He came to visit and we spent two and a half weeks together. Everything was very good. We faced some difficulties that we handled right away and it was the perfect amount of time to get things moving and to solidify our plans. He returned to the east. Baltimore, where he works, until this Friday. He just got laid off. He is coming out here for Thanksgiving. We have talked every day since he has left from me (September 1). I think the best thing was this. I got to know him away from physical distractions. When I got his professional picture, I thought he was okay looking and short, but I fell in love with him, or developed a deep love for him and respect for him beautiful qualities. I have never met a man who is so kind. Kindness is big with me. He is not just kind to me. He is kind with everyone. He is such an example. lol When I met him in person, I couldn’t believe how gorgeous he is. I kept thinking, Wow. Wow, this is me. Wow, this is him. Wow, he says he loves me. Wow. WOW! We have helped each other through some very difficult times and there are more to come, especially now with his layoff. I guess I knew I wanted to marry him when I saw his kindness carry over in person. And I know his friends. The relationships he has with his friends are amazing. They are such totally loving friendships, tighter than any family I’ve seen. Beautiful and inspirational. If any woman, or any man has doubts, then don’t go with it. Don’t marry, don’t commit. But have some hard times together. Find out how he is under pressure. Let him see you under pressure. Will he be steadfast? Will you be steadfast? And, though I know it’s very out these days, don’t rush the physical. The physical can really fog the emotional and the logical. That’s just my opinion. Always make sure you can be friends with the person. Do you like him? Would your friends like him? Does he respect you? Do you respect him? It’s a process that is often rushed in the US. Time is very telling. I hope this has helped some, Meghan. I know relationships can be confusing. You have all the time in the world, girlfriend. I’m honored that you asked me. Take care and feel free to write me anytime, here on personally. May God Bless you and your new relationship. Nichole–in^^^Montana

Response:

Hi, Meghan, Maybe you won’t like to hear my advice, but I would say even though you have known him for a while, you just started dating him recently, so what’s the rush. If you;re looking for a long-term relationship, take a loooong time to really get to know him. With the rate of divorce these days, it’s better to really become good friends, and that takes time, a lot of listening, and learning about each other. In the meanwhile, have fun, do fun things together, you’re only young once. Good luck in love and LC, Cheers, Sandy

Response:

I lurk a lot here and I feel like you guys are my friends and I need some advice. My parents are divorced, and never really lived together. Everyone else in my family has somewhat "dysfunctional" relationships. I love them to death, but I look at it and think "I don’t want that for myself." I’m 23. Recently I started dating someone I’ve known for 7 years, and who has liked me for 7 years (he said even before the weight loss he always thought I looked good). And I just like him a lot. And it’s not like the usual way I like someone. I just feel good to be around him. I just feel good to talk to him. It’s strange. And we’re a lot alike. Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"? Thanks for any input on this guys. ps I made the Cheesy Shrimp Bisque last night and it was PHENOMENAL! Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Response:

I met my hubby through, Single Vermonters, a dating service. I felt so comfortable with him. He made my spirit feel at rest. We had sort of the same background. I’m more optimistic he is more pessemstic (sp). I new we were ment for eachother early on. He needed some time because his father left the family when he was 2 and he didn’t know if that was genetic. He loved me too much to hurt me. AWWW. I married my best friend. We may not have a wild sex life but than again that isn’t a measure of true love. I wanted someone who would be with me all the days of my life. In sickness and in health, for richer of poorer. I love him more today than ever. BethM – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I lurk a lot here and I feel like you guys are my friends and I need some advice. My parents are divorced, and never really lived together. Everyone else in my family has somewhat "dysfunctional" relationships. I love them to death, but I look at it and think "I don’t want that for myself." I’m 23. Recently I started dating someone I’ve known for 7 years, and who has liked me for 7 years (he said even before the weight loss he always thought I looked good). And I just like him a lot. And it’s not like the usual way I like someone. I just feel good to be around him. I just feel good to talk to him. It’s strange. And we’re a lot alike. Anyway … the point is … how did you know that he/she was "the one"? Thanks for any input on this guys. ps I made the Cheesy Shrimp Bisque last night and it was PHENOMENAL! Meghan 160/146/140 CAD since 8/6/01 — "I can tell a factory worker to show up at 7:00 a.m. sharp and produce. But I can’t tell a researcher or engineer to show up at 7:00 a.m. and have a creative idea." — Akio Morita, co-founder of Sony (1921-1999)

Diabetes Talking