Diabetes Talking

Question:

 After the initial shock and adjustment for us both, I tried to leave him in  peace and in fact have done that almost completely in the last eight months or  so. However, his way of handling it is that he hasn’t tested himself since  about June last year, and my guess his readings would err on the high side –  he preferring not to have hypoes rather than worrying about his long-term  health. I went through a nagging phase which I know made things worse but I  couldn’t help myself, now I just turn a blind eye – but inevitably worry.        All you experienced people with diabetes – or any parents who have ‘been  there, done that’ have you any reassurances for me???  Marian

This might be harsh on you as a mother, but try to find out if he talks to anybody about his self-image after beeing diagnosed. Try to encourage his friends to talk about diabetes with him. It really doesn’t matter who he communicates with, IMO. About this long term health aspect: people in this newsgroup are so infinitely interested in dying healthy that it frightens me. No, I don’t mean that your son should continue his non-testing policy, but he should definately continiously ask himself how he feels. Having a good control over your bGs does make him feel better right now. Don’t try to talk to him about long term health, at least I thought myself immortal at that age.         Jan

Response:

I have a 17 year old son, who was diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes about 18 months ago. After the initial shock and adjustment for us both, I tried to leave him in peace and in fact have done that almost completely in the last eight months or so. However, his way of handling it is that he hasn’t tested himself since about June last year, and my guess his readings would err on the high side – he preferring not to have hypoes rather than worrying about his long-term health. I went through a nagging phase which I know made things worse but I couldn’t help myself, now I just turn a blind eye – but inevitably worry.       All you experienced people with diabetes – or any parents who have ‘been there, done that’ have you any reassurances for me???

The previous poster placed this in a context of teenager vs parent lifestyle conflict.  Another way of looking at it is as hypophobia. Is this a recognised condition?  I am thinking of an irrational fear of low blood sugar.  Trying to present rational arguments about the long term complications to a person with hypophobia would be as effective as telling someone with agrophobia that vitamin D deficiency will be a problem. Do you know why your son does not want to go hypo?  Does this seem like a rational fear?  Does it seem that he has the risks in proportion? — Patricia Reynolds

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    The obvious starting place for a reply is the caveat that everyone is different, so that my experience with our 18 year old daughter may not be relevant to your 17 year old son.     It’s been 2+ years now, my daughter was 18, just graduated, and about to enter Jr. College.  She spent 2-1/2 days, over the weekend, getting stablized and educated.  I think the education was the important thing.  Besides teaching her self-management, the education (via videotape and text) clearly talked about the cumlative side effects that were possible, even with good control.  This wasn’t done in a way to be scary, the simple recitation of the facts was frightening enough.     Her mother & I were clear in our minds that this had to be our daughter’s total responsibility, that she was old enough to assume that responsibility, her maturity to be able to assume the responsibility was the only factor in doubt.  We would lend whatever support she asked for, we would provide the appropriate meals as the household meals, which she participated in planning through calculating exchanges.     This seems to have worked.  She has since left home and moved to a shared house 7 miles from home.  We share the same endo, and without invading her privacy, I’m told her control is still very good, when I go to visit our endo.     This is no Ozzie & Harriett story.  She quit school, & has maintained her lifestyle through her own job.  The only help we have provided is to continue her on our health insurance, but she makes the copayments. I think she is still mourning the losses associated with the diabetes, she still calls her insulin "her medicine"….I wish I could help lots, lots more, but know it’s in her best interest to lend support, and give more only when asked.     The keys as I see it are: 1. good, complete diabetes education, 2. total moral support and financial support for the diabetes medical costs, and 3. an agreement that the diabetes management is their responsibility     My heart goes out to you.  It is hard, very hard as a parent.     Again, your mileage may vary.                                  Bill Brown

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I have a 17 year old son, who was diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes about 18 months ago. After the initial shock and adjustment for us both, I tried to leave him in peace and in fact have done that almost completely in the last eight months or so. However, his way of handling it is that he hasn’t tested himself since about June last year, and my guess his readings would err on the high side – he preferring not to have hypoes rather than worrying about his long-term health. I went through a nagging phase which I know made things worse but I couldn’t help myself, now I just turn a blind eye – but inevitably worry.       All you experienced people with diabetes – or any parents who have ‘been there, done that’ have you any reassurances for me??? Marian

Response:

Cummins writes:

MCI have a 17 year old son, who was diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes MCabout 18 months ago. MCAfter the initial shock and adjustment for us both, I tried to leave him in MCpeace and in fact have done that almost completely in the last eight months MCso. However, his way of handling it is that he hasn’t tested himself since MCabout June last year, and my guess his readings would err on the high side – MChe preferring not to have hypoes rather than worrying about his long-term MChealth. I went through a nagging phase which I know made things worse but I MCcouldn’t help myself, now I just turn a blind eye – but inevitably worry. MCAll you experienced people with diabetes – or any parents who have ‘been MCthere, done that’ have you any reassurances for me??? Current research indicates that controling your diabetes by maintaining near normal blood sugars (A1C < 6) greatly reduces the chances of complications due to diabetes.  In short, high blood sugars are the enemy – not "diabetes" per say.  If your son works at controlling his blood sugar (and in is "work") he stands an excellant chance of avoiding many of the well known complications.  However, he needs to start know, if he waits, the damage will have been done.  I would get his doctor involved.  If his doc doesn’t have an impact on him, find one that does. -Chris  * OLX 2.1 TD * hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

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I have not checked this out personally but the alt.support FAQ lists a newsgroup named alt.support.diabetes.kids which is described as being targeted toward "Parents & family of children with diabetes."  Curiously, the m.h.d FAQ does not mention this group, so maybe it is defunct, but if it’s not you might want to consider posting this there as well as here. Good Luck! Dennis

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I have a 17 year old son, who was diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes about 18 months ago. All you experienced people with diabetes – or any parents who have ‘been there, done that’ have you any reassurances for me??? Marian

Hi Marian, I developed diabetes at age 13 about 30 years ago.  At that time we checked our control by urine tests which did little more than assist us in a best guess situation. Having diabetes at any age is not a picnic, but it is particularly hard for a teenager–and a teenager’s parents.  Presuming that he is taking his insulin, he is moderately better off than he would be otherwise.  One would like him to take more responsibility for his disease, but responsibility cannot be forced. Some things which might encourage responsibility while taking the monkey off your back. Some states, including Oregon where I grew up, require evidence of reasonable control–no major insulin reactions, etc–for a six month period before granting a license (at least they did 10-12 years ago when I last had an Oregon license.)  I did not get a license until age 23 in order to avoid confronting that hurdle.  Check with your Motor vehicles Department to find out what concerns they have (Don’t Report your child to them–just find out what concerns/restrictions they have.  Also, insurance may have requirements of evidence for control–at least in terms of price of insurance.  It may be that you can negotiate some evidence–attempts at control–in return for privileges of driving, etc. (You don’t want to control your child, but he might need to make the choice between immediate consequences of his disease–premium differentials for insurance, or even the granting of his license. Now some questions. Is he seeing a doctor regularly–The recommendation these days is once every three months. (I never did more than a couple of times a year, but that was the recommendation back then).  If he is, his bg will/should be monitored by an "A1C".  You should also MAKE SURE that the doctor he is seeing specializes in Juvenile diabetes–that is, if possible teenagers who are insulin dependent. You may have to utilize "tough love" and work with the doctor. Finally, if at all possible, get yourself into a support group for parents. My mother pulled all the faux pas you’ve mentioned and a few more, but I’ve survived 30 years with minor complications.  On the other hand, I tutored a college freshman, about ten years back, who had gone blind because of poor control.  (Hint: let the doctor give the warnings about complications).  Your son is facing a big gamble.  It may or may not turn out ok.  BUT, that is true for every teenager.  The only difference is that YOU KNOW a downside to his gamble the risks of which he can reduce, if he so chooses.   You role is to enable him to make those choices–if he’s in denial get some counseling for him, make sure he has the best care and medical advice available by a doctor who understands the psychology involved AND IS CONCERNED ABOUT THAT COMPONENT OF TREATMENT, make available to him the best nutrition you can and focus on making it desirable.  I wish I could say the cure was just around the corner, but they told my parents that when I was diagnosed, so I’m a bit cynical there. Finally, do everything you can to reinforce/develop a positive self image in him.  It won’t be a bed of roses (actually given the bg testing, it might feel like it ), but with work, both he and you will do ok. Orville R. Butler

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